If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
