Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
