Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
