did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
