is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
