so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
