im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
