I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
