U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
