something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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