Soap is not a condiment
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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