I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
