What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
