I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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