my phone needs a breathalizer
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol