I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
