If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.