Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Bring me that man meat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.