Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
