I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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