And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
