wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
