Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
