Only a mothe r could love this liver
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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