I wanna bring you to show and tell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
