Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
