Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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