I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
