Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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