He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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