do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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