420 ftw
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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