it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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