So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
