DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
