You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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