dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
