so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize