I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
