saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
