Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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