i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
