yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
