I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
