he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
