i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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