Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
