this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
