I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
