are you still at the devil's house?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
