I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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