I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
