In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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