Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
