is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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