i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
