I could have mohawked her pubes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
