YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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