The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
