The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
50% drunk capacity currently
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
