i jhust puked up my retainher.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
