haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
