I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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