yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
