This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
