Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
