u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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