a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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