So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize