I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is the high leading the old right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
