bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
