Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
