could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
