A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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