to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
