am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
