Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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Just high enough for therapy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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