Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
